What is my ‘Why’?

What drives me? What inspires me? What keeps me motivated? I recently did an Instagram post on my ‘Why?’. I am now writing a blog post to elaborate on this topic.

Disclaimer. This is my story, I do not have hatred towards my daughters father, we have a civil and working co-parenting relationship. What I have gone through and share is in no way an attempt to bash the other party.

From 2012 until the spring of 2017 I was in a relationship that was not healthy. I was not happy, looking back I realized I was depressed, we did not make good teammates or partners, I was not respected and I was being held back from being my true self. I was with someone that was an addict. Anyone that knows someone who has addiction problems can probably relate. I realized I was walking on eggshells, and I never knew which personality would walk through the door on any given day with him. To say the least, I was miserable.

In 2016 we had a beautiful, spirited daughter. Her father slept through most of it on the hospital couch with a fast food drink cup full of beer. Before she turned one, we went on a cruise that ultimately ended up me watching our daughter the majority of the time by myself while he enjoyed himself. I felt like the nanny. These were pivotal moments, along with a long list of little moments, that made me take a look at myself in the mirror and ask myself if I would want my daughter in this relationship that I was in. The answer was ‘Hell no’.

She was the reason I left, even though I had wanted out long before that. She was the reason that I listened to my desire to be myself, to be happy, to do what I want in life, to follow my dreams, to be in a healthy realationship, to set healthy boundaries and to love myself. No one was going to do all of that for me, and no one was going to show my daughter how to do all of that like I could.

She is my ‘why’ and reason that I made major life changes that are leading to a much more fulfilling and happy life. She is the reason I started my business Zoja Beauty, to combine my love of cosmetics with skincare and clean ingredients. This, in addition to the fact that I could never imagine allowing my daughter to wear makeup some day if she wants that is full of chemicals.

It is not all sunshine and butterflies though. I am not going to pretend that making major life changes is a walk in the park. There is a lot to deal with emotionally, there are people that might wonder what you are doing, and there are times you might feel like a complete failure. I have had to do a lot of internal work that I continue to work at daily.

For me, working towards a goal is one of the best things to help with change. It was starting my own business that has kept me moving forward and finding my direction. Starting on your own is hard though, I never knew how much work went into just about everything. I didn’t know going through four website designs would take so much time, I didn’t know trying five different label companies would be so expensive. I wasn’t aware that exhaustion as I try to squeeze in work between my daughter going to bed and me finally sleeping was a normal feeling as I push to work at any free moment I have. So it helps to have a roadmap and an advocate reminding that, yes you can do it.

So along my journey I found a wonderful opportunity with an influencer Ashley Diana. She is amazing. She is a woman that is full of positivity. She is a mentor and guide for anyone trying to start their own business or figure out how to make income from their blog and lifestyle. Her program has been amazing! It is an influencer program that will get you started, showing you the way on starting your business and has an amazing Facebook group to join that connects you to so many others. If you haven’t already, check it out here!

I say all this because this is my story on where I came from. Feeling like I had lost myself and was on someone else’s journey. Feeling like I was too scared to make life changes, and being in a relationship that did not help me to grow and follow my dreams. I hope that anyone that feels anything like that can realize that it is possible to make changes, it is possible to move on and find happiness.

Figure out what motivates you. Find your ‘why’, and create a dream to work towards. I love the feeling of working towards my end goal, it is an amazing energy boost. There will be days that you may question it, but ultimately you have to keep your eye on the target. You have to keep asking yourself if what you are doing right now is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow.

Cheers and love,

Sara Kaitlyn